Contact Improvization
July 20, 2019 at 3:37 pm,
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When it came to dance, I was scared – so scared! I was scared of touch, of others touching me, of how it can be misinterpreted, of how I would be judged; probably, not rejected, since everyone knew I was new – I don’t think they would reject me, plus they are here to connect or to dance, not so much to reject perhaps. But judge – yes: how I move, how I smell, how hairy I am, how I touch, how I don’t know what to do, where to touch, how I don’t understand what I need to be following... Anything I forget? So I sat back, touching the wall with my back, my hands on the floor, legs stretched out in front of me. I was looking out the windows – intentionally, kind of pretending that I am not seeing inside the room. I also looked at others doing the improv: it was inspiring to see a man and a woman playing with each other, twirling each other on their backs, lifting and gently lowering, pushing each other away, running after each other, lowering to the ground and rolling around, and getting up easefully and continuing on through the movement without interruptions.
Then, I feel the invitation – a hand extended to me, close but not touching. And I follow, touching the back of that hand with the back of mine, sliding it, while my other hand supports my weight as I am crawling like a cat towards the origin of this hand. Elbows touching, forearms, shoulders. I slowly rotate to touch my spine to the side of the other back, we rock with the music for a few seconds. My hands are on the floor, my mind gets activated: “What do I do next?” And the other body helps me – beginning to lean forward so that I inadvertently put my weight on it as I lean back. Then, I roll off and our arms keep the touch as our bodies separate. We are vertical now. I feel the desire to roll the top of my head around the other body’s back, and my mind screams: “So silly! And maybe even icky!” - but I am already doing it before my mind gets to fully voice its disapproval. I lean into my head more, stretching my neck, massaging the other body’s back with my head. I roll. Arms again. I feel like leaning forward. A hand lands on my back and slides, then returns, pushes a little down as the body rolls around me. I wish it landed on me, put its weight onto me. I want to direct it, but I am scared to do that, to exercise any power on another. Yet I can invite, can’t I!? I stay longer in this position – leaning forward, while moving side to side. I lower my bossom at times, and maybe the body gets it a little as there is a moment when I feel more weight, but it’s over too quickly – the body probably is very cautious about not harming me. I straighten up, and we again begin the dance of hands and arms, while I forget about the feet. Then the body lands on its back, and the feet are in the air, stretching legs. I meet the sole of its foot with my hand. “Ew!” - my mind screams. “Oh well” - I think. “What will you do now?” - my mind is at a loss, and I am too – what do I do? I grab the ankle with my hand, thinking maybe to slide my hand down towards knee, being very conscious to not go further - fear of being misinterpreted right there with me. But before I can do that, the foot moves down, and I can either follow my hand on it, or I can connect in another way and let go of the foot. Or I can let go altogether! Hmmm... Before I can think, the foot is on the floor, and I am letting go of my hand, while touching my foot to that foot. I lower myself on my arms towards the floor, raising my leg in the air, the body’s foot follows mine, its leg in the air as well. I twist on the floor with the leg still up – it’s not easy. My forearm feels a touch, and feet let go. The other body is now flat on the ground, and I slide perpendicularly over it, ending up laying abdomen-on-abdomen. We rest there, then I begin rolling again – sliding off towards my head, but the body follows, not letting me off. Then I return, and roll to my side – over the body's legs and onto the floor, grabbing the foot with my hand before I get too far. A leg of the foot comes closer, then the whole body slides. I am now in the sitting position, and so is the body. We go back to touching backs. I feel scared because I feel stuck, my mind activates again, and I feel I have two options – either I let my mind prevail, or I begin moving again. Another body comes close, the two bodies touch and begin moving together. I feel that is the answer, and I begin to slide away. Was that a rejection? There is a moment when I feel a touch, and I can be saved from my mind if I choose to follow that touch – I can continue to dance and not think. I chose otherwise.
I have pushed my boundaries enough this time - from having never tried contact improv to doing it with minimal instructions at a small jam. I think I will be back.